You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
