Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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