well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drake has all the answers
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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