So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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