i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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