I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
