True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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