does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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