she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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