He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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