i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
