If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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