A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
