I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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