did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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