y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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