AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
