She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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