i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
