either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
