I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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