Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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