My room smells like vodka and shame
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
