he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
