she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
