I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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