sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
