smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
