His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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