he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
