Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
