screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
