so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
