You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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