it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
