i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
