she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
