I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
