Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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