He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
