saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
