No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
