Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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