I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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