everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
