So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
