i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
