Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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