I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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