And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
