There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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