what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
