i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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