I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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