I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
