y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize