Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
