He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
