Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
