good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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