Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dicks are not precious.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize