Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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