Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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