remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
