Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
