Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
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He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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