It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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