So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
