and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
