I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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