His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
