Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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