Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
