Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
