you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
