The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
