You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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